nothing gets crossed out

Yesterday, may have been the perfect day. I woke up in my own bed, which is refreshing when you've been in a guest bedroom in the Hamptons all week and awake to the sounds of children squealing. I had an everything bagel and an iced hazelnut latte before I went to Katie's apartment to lay out on the roof with her and Kristin. We read magazines, books, gossiped, remembered, and soaked in the last few rays of the summer sun.

When we came back in, Elliott made us margaritas and Kristin made guacamole to munch on before we headed to see Beach House and Grizzly Bear. Well, the line to the free show was just too long, so we opted for plan B, go to church. Although missing two of my favorite bands seems like a damper, I didn't really mind. I was just happy that I had two friends with me who weren't as excited to go as I was, but went because I wanted them to.

After church we wondered over to Marlow and Sons for dinner. And on the way, we passed by the restaurant Dressler. There, dining at a table on the sidewalk with his wife, piercing me with his killer blue eyes, was Sondre Lerche. He is one of my music loves, probably second only to Sufjan. We made eye contact and that made me unbelievably happy.

Dinner at Marlow was delightful. I've heard about this restaurant from Amanda and the Walkers, but the actual experience can't be put into words. We ordered family style and shared all of the following: cheese plate, meat plate, watermelon salad, grilled corn (favorite), baked chicken (another favorite), meatball pasta, pork belly, two bottles of chilled red wine, and chocolate caramel tart for dessert. I can't remember the last time I enjoyed such a wonderful meal as much as I enjoyed the company. Afterward, we all walked home.

On a different note, I started writing poetry again. After digging out old journals that I hadn't put a pen to in three years, I came up with this:

It's the harrowed nightenmare of the bee-bat-beetle
that buzz flap creeping up your spine
when the sheets are folded back.
Hair down. Bra off.
Listen carefully and you will hear every girls biggest fear come to life
The monster thought of dying alone,
of being a screwed up spinster--never screwed.
It's the formula of wanting to be wanted as much as I want you
at work when I'm lying in my twin size bed
making an X marks the spot with my body.
The beebuzzsaw cracks open my ribs, exposing my heart-
messy fucked up unattractive red swamp.
Rip open you shirt and I'll stamp WANTED on your chest
What about my unshaven legs, back pimples, design-less cotton underwear?
My morning breath, hammocks of flesh beneath my eyes, snot face, and cold feet?
All hidden. All artfully concealed.
Want me when I'm photographic paper in a dark room-
dripping, exposed, becoming myself.
Want me at my worst.

Fall Sounds Good

September 11th: Derrick Brown, Iron & Wine

September 25th: Phoenix and Passion Pit

October 6th & 7th: Sufjan Stevens (that's x2 mind you)

October 24th: Sufjan Steven's BQE film release party

November 6th: Monsters of Folk

Although I'm sad to see Summer coming to an end (because we all know that when it's over, it's over) Fall '09 is shaping up to be just as eventful. I'm glad musicians I love (namely Sufjan) are making music and on tour. It makes my heart happy. 

//These friends of mine live in New York

They were raised in Michigan

They don't own things/ They don't hold hands

They guard their hearts as best they can//

(Rosie Thomas) 

There is always

someone to miss.

When it rains, it pours

That seems to be the theme for Summer '09. Of course there is the literal downpour New York has experienced since June, but this summer has also been full of traveling to and from the Hamptons, weddings, road trips, dancing, movies, and fun. My last semester of college was so intense with wanting to make good grades, nannying, and my internship. I think the summer tends to make me a little stir crazy.

But, now that only a few weeks of summer is left, it's starting to hit me that I am no longer a student. During finals in May, Kristin and Katie told me repeatedly that they missed college, late night study sessions, and the feeling of being accomplished when all was said and done. That made me so mad when I was the one up til 3 am finishing a paper and they were sound asleep. But I think I'm beginning to understand the missing, at least a little bit. I mostly want to do back to school shopping. I always enjoyed purchasing a new planner and finding favorite pens and highlighters. (I know Katie, Robbi, and Lauren understand) And I really wouldn't mind sitting in Dr. Jackson's office discussing charter schools, child phycology, or grad school options. 

We always want what we can't have. I have all the time in the world to do leisure reading that I was so excited about in May, and I'm still working through Everything That Rises Must Converge by Flannery O'Connor

23

Over the years on my birthday, I get nostalgic and think about what I did the year before. When I turned 13 I cried because I was a teenager. When I turned 20 I cried because I wasn't a teenager anymore. And last year I cried because I thought I had no other birthdays to look forward to. Once your 21, it's all the same the next fifteen years. Or so I've heard.

But last night, I fell asleep before midnight and woke up eleven hours later to a new voicemail from my mom, Seth, and Caleb. My mom told me the same story she tells me every birthday--that I was born at 1:20 pm and there was record breaking heat of 108 degrees in Little Rock that day but the hospital was well air conditioned. 

I thought I would be sad I wasn't in the city with my friends today, but the Marriott family knows how to celebrate birthdays. I was dropped off at the beach while Cara went to the gym and the kids were at camp. Typically when I'm at the beach I have to chase kids, build sandcastles, collect seashells, and fly kites. Of course, all that is good and fun, but it makes going to the beach by yourself to relax even more enjoyable. When Claire, Drew, and Hank got home from camp, they immediately said they wanted to go swimming. We all got our swimsuits on and when I came back downstairs, they were holding giant posters they made that said, "Happy Birthday Julie! We love you!" Hank gave me $2 of his own that he got from the tooth fairy, Claire picked out a broad-rimmed sun hat that wasn't floppy, and Drew helped me blow out my birthday candles. I asked them for a hug, and Claire refused of course. The Rosenkranz family came over, along with Jen-I, who gave me cards, chocolate, and new flip-flops. All the kids gave me underwater hugs and sang happy birthday to me underwater. 

All this to say, a birthday party at work in the Hamptons with 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 10 year olds is pretty fun. I felt like a kid again at my neighborhood pool parties. 

I have a feeling this is going to be a good year. 

Nanny Diaries

Once upon a time, when I was in high school, I believed myself to be an introvert. A quiet, reserved girl who liked reading poetry and happened to be a cheerleader. But, my freshman year of college, my two roommates told me that I was undoubtedly an extrovert. I still had my suspicions. I remained a self-proclaimed introvert until my roommate Tessa, who is a guidance counselor so her opinion is legit, laughed when I said I wasn't sure if I was introverted or extroverted.

The main reason I'm discussing the two types of people in the world is because this past week I've realized I am absolutely an extrovert. I work Tuesday to Saturday in Quogue, Westhampton as a nanny for the Marriott family. When I was in Little Rock a month ago, all my friends and friend's moms squealed with jealous when I told them I was a nanny in the Hamptons. But the truth is, it's not as exciting as it sounds or looks in the movies. There's definitely no hot lifeguard or neighbor who sneaks into my room at night (unfortunately). I'm not meaning to complain about my job. I love the family, free food, queen size bed, washer and dryer in the basement, HBO on demand, the beach, and their dog Peaches. There are pros and cons to be a live in nanny, but that's beside the point of this post.

I aboslutely hate missing out on what my friends are doing while I'm at work. This past week I missed out on Harry Potter on opening night, Kat's birthday, Jo's work party, Union Pool, Royal Oak, Amanda's birthday party, and laying out on the roof. I almost missed out on seeing 500 Days of Summer, but luckily it was sold out so Kat is going with me today. Maybe I'm selfish and don't want my friends to have fun without me. Or maybe I just love my friends so much that I hate not experiencing life with them on a daily basis. Probably a little of both, which undoubtedly puts me in the extroverted category. I know some friends who would love to have a quite, peaceful house to themselves until the kids got home from Sportime camp. As for me, I read for a little, get bored, watch tv, and then wonder what I'd be doing tonight if I was in the city.

The good ones

keep you guessing. Right?