Oh Darling when will you ever learn?
The grass is always greener,
Its everywhere you turn
You'll see it:
Everything you're sure of is up for change

-Land's End by Patrick Wolf

my job description

I taught Hank, Drew, and Claire how to booty bump last night. 

no news is good news

right?

the beginning is the end is the beginning

Where do I start. . .

1. Chicago was lovely. The weather was sunny and chilly. Lindsey and I ate tons of good food including chicago style pizza and hotdogs as well as macaroons. I love that a river flows through the middle of the city, that the streets are clean, and that it's less crowded than New York.

 

2. Dana and Seth came to visit the last week in March. We had too much fun, ate way too much food, and went to Jersey. It's always good to see the people you miss the most. New York is just not the same without them here.

3. I successfully attended my last Interregnum at the King's College. I'm closing in on less than a month of school left. And I'm swaying between giving up and fighting to finish my college career strong. 

4. I've quickly realized that just because it's almost summer doesn't mean I have 3 months of freedom before another semester. It means I have to work full time, find health insurance, study for the GRE, research where I want to go to grad school, pay my bills, and begin paying back my loans. I'm not complaining, it's just overwhelming considering I have double digits in my bank account right now. But soon, that will change. 

5. I have 3 trips planned for the summer so far: Kansas City for Heath and Tessa's wedding, Little Rock for Missy and Ryan's wedding, and New Haven for Conor O'berst. 

6. Today, I walked from school to the L train, just because the weather was so luscious.

7. I really need a haircut. 

8. I have a new obsession with oatmeal. Brown and Maple Sugar is my favorite. And it lowers your cholesterol. 

today is the greatest

So I haven't kept up with blogging like I'd hoped. I always think I'll use it as a sort of journal but my posts end up being few and far between. 

This week is my last spring break. It's weird to think back to spring break over the past three years. I remember where I was, who I was with, the music I listened to, and what I was doing. That's the best thing about holidays because without fail, I know exactly what I was doing a year ago and can see how far I've come (and how much farther I have to go). This year, I'm going to Chicago to visit my friend Lindsey. I'm excited to see and experience her life there, that I've heard about over the past four years. And when I get back, Dana and Seth will be visiting NY for a week! Yay! Seeing them always does my heart some good. 

Lately I've been collecting quotes. Here are two of my favorites:

"True beauty breaks your heart." -Dr. Kreeft

"Don't ruin love by wanting it too much." -Derrick Brown

So true and so good.

There's a design

I've recently had several conversations about post-graduation plans. Yes, we're all scared. Of not finding a job. Of not staying in New York. Of not finding out what we want to do with the rest of our lives. Of not being able to provide for ourselves financially. Of working a job we hate. Of not being able to handle the infamous "real world." 

My remedy is to turn off the lights, lie in my bed, and listen to Vito's Ordination Song by Sufjan Stevens on repeat. It's not the answer to all my post-graduate fears, but it's a start and a meditation of sorts. So if you feel like you're going nowhere fast, I suggest you try it. Stop. Listen. Repeat.

I always knew you/ in your mothers arms 
i have called your name/ i have an idea 
placed in your mind/ to be a better man 
ive made a crown for you/ put it in your room 
and when the bride groom comes 
there will be noise/ there will be glad 
and a perfect bed

and when you write a poem 
i know the words/ i know the sounds 
before you write it down 
when you wear your clothes 
i wear them too/ i wear your shoes 
and your jacket too

i always knew you/ in your mothers arms

i have called you son/ ive made amends

between father and son/ or if you havent one 

rest in my arms 
sleep in my bed 
there is a design 
to what i did and said

Oh and I'd give these songs a listen to as well.

Scandalabra

It's natural for people to share good news with their friends. It's even common for people to share good news with complete strangers. From, "Guess what? I got a new job!" to "Yes, I'm getting married!" We love gushing with effervescent enthusiasm that something good has happened to us. The stars have aligned, and for once, fate has bowed its head to me. 

Well, I currently don't have good news about my life (I don't have a new job or fiance, although I did meet Alexis Bledel and David Cross (lovingly known as Tobias on Arrested Development) which was pretty cool, but beside the point of this post) but I feel the same need to share good news about things I love and enjoy. Most notably, good books and good music. And this weekend, I was introduced to a new book (of poetry). 

Derrick C. Brown stole my heart from the moment I saw him (he's attractive). And then he stole my soul when he opened his mouth. He's unmercifully witty and honest. It's refreshing. His writing is penetrating. He manages to have you laughing one stanza and then grip your chest the next. Seeing him read his work made me wonder why poetry has never been done this way before. I've realized that a truly great poet, who can make you feel every emotion on the spectrum through a few words on a page, must have a thorough command over language. Language doesn't limit the poet's thoughts but are at his mercy. I wish I had that. As for now. I'll admire those who do. So even if poetry makes you cringe, give Derrick a try. You won't regret it. I'll even provide you with a sample or two.


Collide Escape

Whatever you dropped in the dark
can be recovered in the morning.

We will find the turquoise ring
that clutched the mud and grass
as I ripped your costly jeans,
down to your soft calves.

The night rain, beading upon your skinny spine.
If you were drunk, I didn't know.
You didn't say anything stupid.
Your tongue was blossoming,
pronouncing your kiss, cleanly.

I was glad your breath was hot enough
to melt the night resin off of me.
I read my hands down your simple gospel
and I no longer need 34th Street miracles.

Are you sure you want this mess?

I am a submarine
full of gasoline
and you're water proof matches.

I am suspended in the cinema of that moment
next to the house
collapsing in the dirt
where I needed you.

Fathom under fathoms,
that's how heavy I laid upon you.

What are you to me?

You are more than on my side,
You are the weapon on my side.
Safety off.

Rest under the shadow of my gut.
Unsentimental kissing.
A gushing reveille for strangers becoming victorious.

Walk through the valley of the 5 o'clock shadow.

Pyrokinetic honeysuckle, let's boycott the hocus pocus
and get straight to the secret . . . .
Are you the one snarling in the family photo?
Are you the one crackling voltage in the yearbook?
Then you are the pearl I steal.

Your eyes, a kaleidoscope of collide and escape.

Navigate to me by the map of fallen stars.

Love rises back to you
like an escalator fragrance.