Happiest Holiday

I was a bit worried about my plans for this holiday season. For a while it looked pretty grim. With Katie and Elliott unexpectedly having to be in Dallas for work on Katie's birthday made plans to celebrate together in New York impossible. I thought about staying in Little Rock an extra week but that would mean at least $100 fine for changing my flight. But luckily I now get to spend New Years at the Red Lion Inn with the Marriotts. I told Cara my plight and she said that there was a suite with two twin beds left at the lodge they're staying at, so I was welcome to come along and invite a friend. I was worried I would spend New Years alone and now I get to make money while skiing on vacation with Kristin! And this was especially good news since I've been at home sick with a stomach virus that I got from Claire! Most of the time I love my job, but I don't love not having sick days, health care, or being extra susceptible to germs.

Chronologically Speaking

Two days ago I had an epiphany and it struck me as odd that I had never done this before. I decided I should listen to all of Sufjan Stevens albums chronologically from start to finish. It's like a marathon of listening. I have a bad habit of listening to a new album once through and then deciding what songs are my favorite and adding that to a playlist on my iPod. But, that's not fair. That's selling myself short and the musician. I'm stunting my own appreciation for beauty and ignoring creative genius based on first impressions. Maybe I'm getting too cerebral over music, but I wanted to share my thoughts. So over the next few days, my ears are only listening to the following and in this particular order:

A Sun Came

Enjoy Your Rabbit

Michigan

Seven Swans

Illinois

The Avalanche

Songs for Christmas

The BQE

And luckily, on December 8th, Sufjan comes out with a new album, Music for Insomnia, which will fit nicely into my plan.

I just can't get enough

Top 6 Things I love right now:

1. Morgan Library on Madison and 36th. I saw an exhibit of early sketches and drafts of Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak a month ago and went again last week to see an exhibit on the life and writings of Jane Austen. I'm seriously thinking of becoming a member because I absolutely love it.

2. Dover Thrift edition of Pride and Prejudice. It's only $3! Last time I read this book was for school and after seeing the exhibit at the Morgan Library, I decided to give it my leisure time.

3. Suede fur mitten. My Mama gave me a pair of these mittens that she got from Alaska years ago when I was home in August. I've been waiting ever since for the weather to turn cold so I can wear them!

4. Cowl neck scarf. I bought one from H&M and it looks similar to this one. And it was only $15.

5. Ella Fitzgerald. Lately I've been listening to her a lot. It makes me feel like I'm in a different era. My favorite songs are her duets with Louis Armstrong.

6. O.P.I nail polish in Here Today Aragon Tomorrow. It's the perfect shade of green and last time I got a manicure they didn't have it unfortunately.

Confession

I have a few. Well not really confessions, but a few things I'm slightly embarrassed about or think is too funny not to share with the few people who actually read this blog. Or I simply want your opinion. So, in no particular order, here they are:

1. I've been listening to Christmas music for two weeks now. I'm typically a one holiday at a time kind of girl. But for some reason, this year I just can't help myself!

2. Claire and Drew put on a play for me last night. Drew was a bat and Claire was a dragon. I laughed so hard I cried, because Claire's one line was "I am the dreaded dragon. I breath fire! The bat is my only friend left!" And Drew kept whispering it to her over and over from the other side of the room where she made her entrance. And Claire couldn't hear her so she kept saying "What? Drew, I can't hear you!" and ran off stage. Of course you had to be there to see Claire wearing only a hooded dragon costume and underwear, but you get the idea.

3. I'm seeing New Moon tonight. I haven't read the books, but I have a tendency, like many women, to see a movie simply because it stars an attractive man. And Rob Pattenson is undeniably attractive. 

4. Hank, Drew, and Claire love hearing stories about when I was little, back in the olden days before there were cell phones. It forces me to think back on all those silly and embarrassing childhood memories that I'd almost completely forgotten. So earlier this week I told them that I use to be afraid of Santa Claus. They weren't remotely sympathetic when I tried to explain that I didn't like the idea of an old man with a beard coming into my house at night and eating all the milk and cookies, even if his intention was to give me gifts. Every year I crawled into bed with my sister completely terrified. And when our family took pictures with Santa I refused to stand near him at all. The Marriott kids laughed at me for being afraid of someone who is so obviously good and nice. 

5. I've had a reoccurring dream that I have really long hair and it's making me want to grow it out again. But in order to have said long hair, I have to go through the in between awkward phase when I hate my hair everyday. Conundrum.

6. I've had my eye on someone for a while now, and I'm fairly certain he doesn't even know I exist. 

here you can see for miles & miles & miles

On Thursday, October 22, my mom and sister arrived here in New York to spend a long weekend with me. It's been exactly four years since the last time any of my family visited me here. Four years ago I was a terrified, homesick student who didn't know Uptown from Downtown on the subway. I laughed with my mom and Jennifer because their last trip here was mostly spent in my dorm room watching television and cooking dinner. I felt like a tourist as much as they did. I'd moved there 2 months ago and my sister was pregnant. It was a recipe for a stressful trip. I've come a long way since 2005. A long, long way.

I have a life here in New York now. I have favorite places to go and people to see. I have sources of comfort in this city of hustle and bustle. Somehow I have managed to love this urban city with all its beauty and tragedy. Simply put, I am in awe. I took my mom and sister to favorite places like Roebling Tea Room, Grey Dog (where I get lunch on a weekly basis with Katie) and 71 Irving Place (where I spent every weekend studying my senior year of college). We went to the Sunday flea markets which I frequent almost every week, unless there are subway service changes as there have been as of late. We saw Wicked, the "Where the Wild Things Are" exhibit at the Morgan Library, ate at Chelsea Market and Frankies on the Lower East Side, saw the Robert Frank exhibit at the MET, the Pumpkin Festival at Central Park, FAO Swartz to get gifts for Caleb and Seth, and rode the Staten Island Ferry. I introduced them to the Marriott kids and they saw where I go to work everyday. I showed them my life and I showed them New York. I think I wore them out, but we checked off everything on our list except the Brooklyn Bridge.

At the Morgan Library gift shop, I bought a book of poems about New York. I've only read a few, but I enjoyed this one in particular.

Whitman in Black by Ted Barrigan

For my sins I live in the city of New York

Whitman's city lived in in Melville's senses, urban

inferno

Where love can stay for only a minute

Then has to go, to get some work done

Here the detective and the small-time criminal are one

& tho the cases get solved the machine continues to run

Big Town will wear you down

But it's only here you can turn around 360 degrees

And everything is clear from here at the center

To every point along the circle of horizon

Here you can see for miles & miles & miles

Be born again daily, die nightly for change of style

Hear clearly here; see with affection; bleakly cultivate

compassion

Whitman's walk unchanged after its fashion

Gradually

I am a dinosaur when it comes to technology. I'm not like my parents in that I am unable to attach pictures to emails or only send text messages in all caps because I can't figure out how to change the setting on my cell phone. But I do seem to only update the few pieces of technology I own when it is absolutely necessary. The computer I am typing on right now I received as a high school graduation gift over four years ago. It survived several viruses and a bath in a bottle of coca cola. My cell phone is a $30 replacement for my old phone which died on me almost two years ago. It's a black flip phone. 'Nuf said when all my friends have iPhones. I have an iTouch which was my last update of technology because the iPod that I also got as a high school graduation gift was replaced 6 times under a Best Buy warranty that finally expired. 

I like to think of myself as adaptable and open to new adventures. But clearly, I don't adapt unless I have to. That's why after posting one tweet I never visited Twitter again because it was too confusing and not like Facebook. 

When I love something I wear it out quickly. Whether it's a favorite song, book, or sweater, I listen, read, or wear it everyday until I find something new to obsess over. Lately it's been "Only with Laughter Can You Win" by Rosie Thomas, Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott, and a grey sweater jacket I stole from Kristin's closet. These things give me comfort and simple pleasure, like the tree with yellow leaves in the school parking lot across the street. It's beautiful and will change but I will enjoy it until then. 

I've also found enjoyment in little things while at work with the kiddos, mostly all the silly things they say. Some days I get stressed and feel like I have a long list of household chores to do that I forget to just have fun with Hank, Drew, and Claire. Usually by Friday I am burnt out and ready for the weekend. But last night, instead of cleaning up the kitchen right away, I watched Scooby Doo: The Mystery Begins with them and prayed with Claire before bed that she wouldn't have nightmares. They helped me pick out a Halloween costume when I couldn't decide between a flapper girl (which they had no idea what that was), Harry Potter, and a disco ball. Claire voted Harry Potter because I could be a boy even though I'm really a girl. Hank voted disco ball because he doesn't like Harry Potter. And Drew voted disco ball because she wanted to help me make a silvery sequined dress. They told me they really wanted me to be Michael Jackson, since I'm related to him ("Having the same last name means you're related, Julie. I'm only 6 and I already know that," Drew) but a disco ball would be a close second. Earlier this week, Drew told me she wished you could throw away conversations, "If I could throw one conversation in the trash it would be Michael Jackson. I wouldn't even put it in the recycling!" 

When I was young
I did it my way
I did it my way and I still do
Held my head up high
Asking God for answers and begging him to tell me what to do

(Play Music by Rosie Thomas)

Inspiration

A few years ago I watched a PBS interview with Sufjan Stevens when he was on his Majesty Snowbird Tour. I probably watched it ten times and would provide the link to said interview now but I am either unable to find it or it was removed from the PBS website. (I'm hoping Katie will read this and provide a link to it in a comment because she was the one who shared it with me) The point is, during part of the interview Sufjan tries to describe his creative process when writing new songs. He says that it isn't something he finds inside himself but something that is revealed to him from an outside source. And he merely gets a small glimpse of it and creates what he sees and hears. 

Recently I've been inspired by beauty in seemingly insignificant experiences. (I'm not trying to compare myself to Sufjan, not at all) But it's like a word dam broke inside me and all I can do is gush liquid language. It's a strange but beautiful waterfall. I'm constantly writing poems inside my head all day long and can't wait to put it down on paper. I haven't felt that way since I was a freshman in high school full of unrequited love and hormones. All of that to say, here is my newest attempt at being poetic:

The Other Sea

 

Where do I begin to unravel the navy

seam in the denim night sky?

That vastly empty openness snatching gazes of “What if?”

(What if aliens disguised as humans try to take over the world?

What if I were a successful failure like Apollo 13?

What if all this really was created, on purpose?)

But tonight, tonight where smug city lights outshine faraway fireballs

instead of resenting the gnarled noise of New York polluting night air

I make a wish on man made machine stars.

Blinking white

Blinking green

Blinking red

I stare, stare, stare at firefly lights ablaze

This city sky is a concert of skyscraper antennas

lightbulbed windows and

airplanes connecting distant dots—

the anthropomorphic wish ship of the other sea—

a shooting star full of weary businessmen, dumb tourists, and Skymag

Isn’t wishing upon a real star as satisfying as the possibility

that I know a man on that plane?

There is a one in eight million chance that my childhood friend,

my professor, my future lover is dashing and splashing the dark

with blinking white and constant red light.

I blink and think my God, I wonder what we look like from up there?

A distant horizon shouts holiness and humanity:

the lover with the fate

the celestial with the organic

the eternal with the temporal

the beauty with the tragedy

the created with the creation